Dear Narcissistic Sociopath Psychopath who happens to be in my life:

mindset Jul 06, 2022

♠️

Are you ready for some relatable humor? The content of this piece is to serve as a means to get you laughing at the ridiculousness we often see in our world. Unfortunately, some people get by in life and some even live big lives when they behave in the ways we list below. Sadly there are such people in our world. So let’s have fun with this. Again, this is meant to be funny only. “Please do not try this at home”. In other words, this is your WHAT NOT TO DO silly manifesto!  Enjoy the sarcasm. 

How the ill-intentioned person in your life you know we are referring to fakes their own reality with great success. Here is the thought process of a real-life loser, from their perspective:

Everyone talks about how to be successful through hard work and effort. Forget that! I'm going to take a different approach. I'm going to show you how to lose all your hard earned money and fake your own reality (I mean destiny), and be successful at it. 

Step 1: Be a Sissy-

Being a sissy has nothing to do with physical strength and everything to do with mental strength. I know you want to be successful but you're too afraid to make a commitment to your dream. 

  • You're scared to take chances. 
  • You're scared to make choices. 
  • You want everything to be perfect before you can "take a risk". 
  • You want to be part of a group so bad because you don’t know who you are
  • Yeah, right! 

That day will come when Hell and my mother's famous spicy hot Sancocho soup freezes (author's note: my money is on Hell freezing over first). 

Nonetheless, don't do anything until one of the following has occurred:  

  • All the stars in the constellation have aligned themselves perfectly, you've spotted a once extinct Dodo bird, or someone absolutely guarantees you that you will not fail. 
  • Until one of these things are in place, don't do anything - be a sissy.
  • Follow the crowd. 

Step 2: Listen to Stupid and Jealous People, better yet, Keep them in your life-

Oh, this is one of my favorites. There are two types of people out there: successful and happy. 

By successful, I mean someone who has a career and is financially secure. 

By happy I mean someone who has found their "happy place" and enjoys where they're at in life. 

The latter has less to do with money, and more to do with lifestyle and personal choices. Knowing this, here's the key: never, I mean NEVER listen to successful or happy people. They'll just make you nauseous with their ideas and strategies for getting what you want out of life. They will remind you of what you don’t have and how unlike them you are. 

Instead, listen to friends, family members and colleagues who are either broke or unhappy. That’s right! That way if you fail, and chances are that you will, you'll at a minimum have them for company. And we know that misery loves company. Also if you fail using their advice, you can always blame it on them (See Rule 10 for more details).

Step 3: Wait for Divine Intervention-

Yes, another strategy on how to lose your money, your sanity and fake your reality is to simply wait for the "invisible hand" of fate to pass over you and bless you with immense abundance. 

Yes, go ahead ask away (to whoever and whatever that is to you) to rain down upon you all that you deserve. But take no action. And no calculated risks.

Sit back, do nothing and wait for something great to happen. 

Yes, your needs far outweigh those of people who are dying from HIV, hunger, violence, etc. Don't feel guilty. Make your demand on The Universe and if you're so inclined, you might want to give it a deadline because you're in a hurry. 

But remember, don't lift a finger to help yourself, you might offend your giver by being so impatient.

Step 4: Develop a Need to Mimic- “Flying Monkey, anyone?”

Desmond Morris wrote a fantastic book called "The Human Ape". If you haven't read it, you are depriving yourself of a primitive experience and pleasure. 

Morris talks about the need for humans to mimic in order to feel accepted or more worthy. So, what I want you to do in order for you to lose your money, your sense of self and fake your reality is look around you and buy whatever your friends or colleagues are buying. But the extravagant cars, the luxurious museum (I mean house), designer clothing, and take all the trips you want to exotic places. And listen to colleagues who are jealous of others, especially that attractive, kind, hardworking and successful person we all know you want to be like. Don’t get to know them or understand them or hear their story for how they got to this point or try to collaborate with them. Instead spend time on your breaks and outside of work talking about this person, how you think they owe you something like their own happiness or how they dare think how great they think they are!

What about money? 

Who cares! 

The point here is that you want to mimic or copy what everyone else is doing. Money and debt are nuisances you shouldn't have to worry about. What about credit card companies? So what you owe them money, they're crooks who already have too much money; they don't need yours. Ignore your responsibilities. In fact, when you have made a deal with someone on purchasing a home together or they co-signed with you, ignore them when they are trying to resolve things to end the games being played. No need to be accountable here. Let them suffer because they are too responsible and you don’t want what they want so make things difficult for them. Take away any sense of foundation they may benefit from to live a good life.

Step 5: Take advantage of People-

Here's a great tip. Forget about being considerate and to hell with the "golden or platinum rules". 

If you can use somebody, do it. That’s right.

If you can take advantage of a situation, do it. Consequences?! Bah! Why bother with such silly notions; they're so inconvenient. For all you care, you'll probably never have to deal with them again. You know there’s no such thing as karma, as long as you believe you’re right.

And if it's in a work environment, all the better, screw them any way you can. 

They probably deserve it for being so dang naive. The basic premise is this, the next time you are in a position to really abuse another fellow human being, don't think twice, just do it!

Step 6: Invent Your Own Senseless Reality-

Ooh, I like this one. To hell with reality, create your own at the expense of others. When someone says, "You're not being realistic", ignore them they're an idiot. When someone tries to warn you that your overspending and your debts are mounting, just go out and shop some more you'll feel better. Remember also that money is the root of all evil and no one should have to really save or keep any around for a rainy day. 

And, even when everyone is telling you you're wrong, ignore them because they ALL can't be right! You can’t possibly be the common denominator to all these problems, chaotic and erratic behaviors. And more than likely, they simply don't have the same bright, pink outlook on life you have. Dismiss those fools.

Step 7: Never Keep a Commitment Again-

The next time you make a promise, just remember that it really isn't a commitment. 

A promise is an agreement to do something but you reserve the right to change your mind without notifying the other party (aka The When it's Convenient Rule). And yes, it's OK to over-promise and under-deliver. The Convenient Rule still applies. When you tell someone you'd show up to a meeting or an engagement, remember that it's OK to change your mind, again, without the need to notify the other party. Commitments are so restrictive that you should allow yourself the flexibility to abide by or ignore them whenever you feel like it. Character, Smarachter!

What if others complain? They're just being insensitive to your "spontaneity" and free spirit….envious bastards.

Step 8: Blame it on the ISM-

The next time things don't go your way or you missed out on some promotion or raise, blame it on an "ISM". There are plenty to choose from. 

RacISM, SexISM, AgeISM, etc. Take your pic.  

Remember it's never your responsibility to create wealth and opportunity. Someone should always look out for you because you've been handicapped (i.e., with an ISM) by the unfairness of society. Someone should also make amends and remunerations for your inconvenience should be made to you. Somebody always owes you something anyways.

Don't forget to always complain about how “the man” won't let you succeed. And always blame your failing on some corporate guy with a nice suite and tie. They're always guilty of something. They're all liars and cheats waiting to be exposed.  

Step 9: Be a Divisive, Manipulative, Lonely & Sad Jerk-

Go ahead, find people who are on the cusp of jealousy toward another person, especially a colleague who has no choice but deal with you and put them against that person. That’s right.  

Make things up, appeal to their weak sense of self and need for “being somebody” and for needing to have credit and remind them that they are more important than the one you both despise and who’s attention you are secretly desperately seeking because in reality you both envy that person’s success or pure happiness. That accomplice will be very easy to convince because they kind of feel that way a little bit already, all you’re doing is enlightening them.

Then, once you are finished love-bombing this ally and feel bored, turn on them and act like you never cared for their feelings in the first place. Yes, discard them like the great narcissist sociopath psychopath that you are. That ought to teach them for trusting you in their moment of weakness. And when they ask for your attention, act as if you don’t have time for them anymore, like they are bothering but without holding a conversation with them at all. Let them figure it out on their own then suffer emotionally for days, weeks, months….until. They don’t deserve a conversation. Then start gossiped about them, dismissing them while plotting against them.  

Then, when you’re done with others because, let’s face it you will be bored again soon, come back and love-bomb them once again until they give in because, you know you have some measure of control over their lives, being their employer, family matriarch, group leader or in some position of power in their lives, especially financial.  

Try to connect with them on social media, join the Associations or groups they are part of, show up everywhere they are and basically harass them into accepting you once again. Especially when you know you have been blocked due to your inappropriate behaviors and since you know, they never wanted anything to do with you in the first place. And then, finally, once they do, string them along for a while and start the same cycle again. Continue the chaos, because that’s all the power you can gain, since you are a worthless, lonely, sad loser.

Bonus rule:

Step 10: It's Never Your Problem-

No matter how bad you perform or don't perform at all, it isn't your fault (Corollary to Rule 8).  

  • It's never your problem. 
  • It's always someone else's deal. 

And if you can't find a warm body to blame it on, use someone who's not around to defend themselves. That’s right.

Those people are useful for blaming things on because they can't dismiss the accusation and you feel better since you’ve decided it isn't your fault. If you can't find any people who are not around to blame it on, use the ultimate card, the Universe (or Cosmos). 

Either one is good enough when it comes to blame. Just blame your misfortune on some "weird existential vibe" thing that can't be defined. And if someone doesn't believe you they're just being insensitive and ignorant of an existence on a "much higher level" where you can't be held responsible.

Follow these ten rules and I guarantee you that you will lose your sanity, your money and fake your destiny with GREAT SUCCESS.

♠️

 

 

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